Thursday, December 06, 2007

Salute To Alcohol....

I've always wanted to write an article on alcohol. Sadly, I've never had the time to do it. I would like to personally thank Ms. Brenda James for her constant contribution towards the creativity of this blog. To all my fellow kudikarens & kudikarees....

Here's a couple of alcohol inspired nuggets for the road and the compulsory warning labels that come with them:

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink, I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself,

"It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Jack Handy -
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as
they're going to feel all day. " - Frank Sinatra -
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not." - Stephen Wright -

The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin -

The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."- Dave Barry -

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

"To some it's a six-pack. To me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!" - Dave Howell -

The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers…

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went: "Well ya see, Nam , it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. And also, make your gay/lesbian tendencies more apparent. So drink up. It keeps the sober people entertained.

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