TAMIL-ians....

I am huge fan of Russell Peters (The Stand-Up Comedian). For those of you, who have not heard of him, where have you been all this while? He is one of the most respected comedians of our time. I rank him along the names of Eddie Murphy, Cedric The Entertainer, DL Hughley and Kat Williams. Watching him for the 40th time (Russell Peters Live In LA), and then reading an email that Rohan Annan sent me, made me write this post. It is about TAMILIANS - well, I would bravely say, every Indian in Malaysia, India, Singapore, England and in any part of the world will concur in the habit and attitudes below. Enjoy:

You arrive one hour late to a party and findout you are the first one to arrive

You think it's perfectly normal to call someone who's 30 years younger than you 'Annan' just because he's behind a counter

You wear a suit to a wedding... and you are only 3 years old

The wedding takes an hour and the group pictures take five hours

Your mom and sister together own more jewellery than a Chinese jewellery store

Your parents' idea of a vacation is to go down to the temples in India

You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house

The second your guests leave the house, your parents start talking about them

You rent a cassette from the grocery store, it's been dubbed 6 times... & you return it 3 months later

You go to a Tamil Cultural program only to find one barathanatyam and six hip hop shows

You are somehow related to every new friend you meet

Your remote control is still in its plastic packet

You get a 95% on a test and your parents ask, ‘what happened to the other 5%?!'

You stare at Tamil people when they walk by

You see married couples kissing on TV but have never seen your Mom & Dad get within 3 feet of each another

Your parents never address each other by name

When you get your first part-time job, your parents expect you to give them half

Your mother has a minor dispute with her sister-in law and doesn't talk to her for 10 years

Your parents say Swiss instead of Switzerland, Germany is German and England is London

You go to a party and your aunt comments on how your skin color has changed

You watch a Tamil wedding tape and all the songs from Roja are dubbed in it

When the teacher took attendance and there was a sudden pause, you put your hand up and said 'here'

You shortened your name to make it sound Anglo

You have dinner at 10pm

It's normal for all the relatives to bathe the groom on his wedding day

You KNOW that your promiscuous second cousin on your father's side is pregnant even before she does

Your aunties tease you about a particularly eligible cousin... & you like it!!!

You serve all your guests tea with milk and 5 spoons of sugar

You only stop putting more rice on your guest's dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to stop

Anytime you speak back to your parents, you get: 'I toiled my life for you, and this is how you repay me?!' - 'Naanga eppadi khasta pattathukku nee ithuvum solluvae ithukku melayumsolluvae!'

If you are a girl, you are expected to come home before dark - however if it's a son, 'OK rasa, jaakirathaa poitu vaa...'

Halfway through your shower you realize that your Head & Shoulders shampoo is gone and has been replaced by Siyakkai shampoo

You walk in to another Tamil family's house and they have the same furniture and dining set as yours